I cannot calculate the sheer loss I have incurred because of this disorder. I don’t think I want to. All the nights spent crying, weighing myself. All the Google searches done on how to get better. All of the friends I’ve turned down or never met because I was feeling fat. All the time my partner spent consoling me…
I’m always up for a challenge, but not a routine. After a week of binging, I once again attempted to get my act together. I am really inspired by those who complete those month-long fitness challenges, but I know that I am not healthy enough to go through with one myself. Of course, one must always be…
Clawing for control. It’s the whisper in the wind that lingers around the binger. This painful plea makes the heart swell with need and desperation and then that hysterical, futile, and lowly cycle begins right at the spot where it ended. One feels terribly stagnant after a few years of this…and yet it’s easy to underestimate the adaptability of the…
It is the denial at the core of the sinister and sickly eddy of desperation and redundant pleas that is the binger’s mentality. It was created after innumerable failed attempts and too much time staring into the mirage called the “new you”. It is the belief, the gambler’s last hope, in tomorrow–in second chances. It allows the…
Leave it to my godsend of a partner to help me see things in a different way, which is essentially what life is all about. Forgive the generalities, allow me to portray. The meat of getting over an eating disorder is fundamentally changing your attitude and thus the way you react to things. Along with…
I was a little surprised by the amount of people stuck in the binge cycle today. Usually, the binge blog community is an inspiration to me . I consider myself lucky in that no matter how out of control my binges or depression get, there is always a part of me that is still thinking…
A constant problem I am having with people on the bus is that they are too lazy to move a seat over and sit by the window when the bus gets full. When more riders get on, others will make them walk up and down the aisle looking for seat. People will either find a…
My favorite one liners are those orgasmic bits at the end of a good argument. Those are the sort of lines that eloquently sum up the entirety of the position and finally awaken the intelligence of the dense stragglers who’ve not caught on. When accompanied by vice, there is nothing sweeter to my mind and…
” A deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.” Saul Bellow What am I feeding? lt’s a question that every chronic binge eater is encouraged to ask and somehow never truly answers until they recover. Sure, in therapy we are told to look inside of ourselves and identify what delusion…
On the night of New Year’s Eve the sky is a garden of colorful carnations bursting all at once. People are cheering, making phone calls, and sharing a New Year’s Kiss. Underneath the celebration there is a, solemn for some, tone of reflection. A mass realization of our mortality and what should be done in the…
Working out as a personal hobby is totally different than working out in fat shame or desperation to be thinner. For once in my life, I could work out without a thousand pounds of personal guilt on my shoulders. I focused on the moves rather than my vanity. Strength is beautiful! The most pleasant surprise of…